Subjective Morality

Archive for June, 2009

The man was tall, no doubt about that. He was tall and lank, looked almost like the popular representation of Abe Lincoln. He even had a tall hat. Tall legs too. A child s standing next to him. What this child is doing here is anyone’s guess. Yes, anyone’s. Does he have any purpose in this story? We don’t know. Let’s find out. The child is tubby, probably has asthma or some other disease of the lungs which complicates his ability to physically act. The tall man’s name is Steve.

The child looked up to the tall man, a sliver of drool leaking down his double-chin.

“You know,” said the tall man.

“I know?” said the child.

“Do you know how the phrase ‘still-born’ came about?”

“I reckon’ I don’t, sir.”

“Of course you reckon’. Don’t we all reckon’?” A pause. Silence. “Well, once, long ago, there was this woman whose beauty surpassed all that is surpassable. 99.9% of the men in her village pawed after her like, I don’t know, paws, and all the women envied her beauty and stuff. The problem with all of this was that she was an abstinent woman. At least until she got raped one day on her way to the Kwik-e-Stop.”

“They have Kwik-e’s in villages?”

“Be quiet! The rapist forgot to use a condom and she had forgotten to take the pill. Why an abstinent woman needs birth control, I’ll never know. Well, the rapist impregnated her.”

“I don’t understand…”

“I’m not finished yet, impatient child!” He took out a pipe, lit it, threw it at a passing squirrel. “The woman grew heavy with each passing month. She thought she was getting fat. So, she stopped eating, went on a diet, exercised three hours every day. Of course, that didn’t help anything.”

“Why not?”

A stern stare. Continuance. “She grew lean. Poor child didn’t even understand what was happening to her. She was so young, so young. I think she was 90. I’m not sure. Don’t quote me on that. Well, when the baby was finally ready to burst out of her like slf-loathing from a lecher, she didn’t know what to do. Didn’t even know what a baby was, poor girl. Abortion wasn’t an option for her. Her parents were Catholic. They took her to the local hospital, and in those times the local hospital was the squishy herbalist’s house.” He stuck out his tongue and kicked a puppy into a garbage can. “The herbalist knew next to nothing about birthing a child. Huh, what is next to nothing? Of course, we could never know, but it’s an interesting question to posit. Anyway, when the baby was born, it was strangled by the umbilical cord. But, it was still born. Hence “still-born”. Not the best story, is it?”

The man stuck his tongue out at the child, who was probably traumatized. Who cares?