Subjective Morality

Archive for July, 2009

Read this story on Ars Technica that really pissed me off. Cheerleaders in a Mississippi school were forced to give their Facebook login information to their coach. The coach then used this information to access their accounts and single out students. One student was “publicly reprimanded, punished, and humiliated” for a private conversation she had with her cheerleading captain asking her to stop harassing some of the other players. She was barred from cheerleading practice, participating in football games, and attending school functions that she had already paid to attend. 

Speaking as a high school student, that is some motherfucking evil bullshit. No public school has the right to punish a student for their private activities off-campus, let alone ask for their login information to any social-networking service. 

If any school I attend demands my login information, I will refuse, and if they still demanded it, I will leave. 

Evil motherfuckers. 

When I was in third grade, I didn’t know what the word “gay” meant until some helpful classmates of mine decided to call me so while we were gathered in the bathroom. I, not knowing what it meant, asked, “What does that mean?”

I went to see Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince yesterday. It wasn’t good.

In the theater, I was feeling really carsick and I sat in between a bastard demon-child and a pedophile who laughed at inappropriate moments, so excuse me if this isn’t the best review I could write.¹

I’m not going to bother with a spoiler warning² because 90% of the people who go to see the Harry Potter movies have read the books and know what’s going to happen, and if you’re one of those few who haven’t read them, well, you’re a loser and I don’t care if I spoil it for you.

One of the biggest things that bothered me was how the plot of the book was completely fucked with. Scenes aren’t in their proper places³ and a lot of stuff is left out. I know an adaptation can’t be expected to include everything from the book, but this one just leaves so much out. I feel like I’ve been cheated.

In the beginning of the movie, Harry is seen reading an article in the Daily Prophet⁴ proclaiming him as the Chosen One while a foxy waitress watches him. The waitress comes up to him and they flirt. This scene was not in the book, and it annoys me, but I suppose it serves its function: it shows that Harry is, indeed, not that squeeky little kid from the first movie, and that he is the Chosen One, a fact he’ll have to get used to. The waitress tells him she gets off at 11. Sadly for Harry though, that buxom waitress will be disappointed, as Dumbledore shows up and drags Harry away to get an old professor back . . .

Crap. I seem to be turning this into a review where I tell the entire story again⁵, so I’m going to stop that shit right now and just get on with my bitching:

Fenrir Greyback looked weird and he served no real purpose.

In one scene, the dialogue made me say “What the fuck?”⁶

What the fuck is up with the scene where the Weasleys’ house is burned down? That sure wasn’t in the book.

The pensieve was changed. A little consistency would’ve been nice, Mr. Yates.

Death Eaters should not be able to fly. If wizards could fly, why the fuck would they need brooms?⁷

Yates seems to have an annoying fascination with mood and weather change. Weather reflecting mood isn’t a bad thing when used in moderation, but Yates uses it way too much.

Too much with the “Oh yeah, these kids are teenagers now, so they can like date and stuff!” You get beat over the head with it.

There’s too much⁸ attention on Malfoy. There should have been at least some ambiguity as to who was trying to kill Dumbledore, and Malfoy’s plan was pretty much transparent from the beginning. All the scenes where he’s trying to fix the vanishing cabinet shouldn’t have been there⁹. It’s called mystery, Yates, have you heard of it?

After I read Dumbledore die, I cried¹⁰. After I saw Dumbledore die, I didn’t really give a damn. The emotional impact of Dumbledore’s death was almost nonexistent.

After Dumbledore is killed¹¹, the band of Death Eaters run from the castle, wreaking havoc on their way. The Great Hall is destroyed and Hagrid’s hut is set ablaze. But there should have been more. In the book, there was an epic battle inside of Hogwarts between the teachers and the Death Eaters. I would have rather seen this than Harry flirting with some chick. And what happened to Hagrid? His house was destroyed. Was he in it? Is he dead? Those who read the book know he isn’t, those that didn’t are left in the dark.

One of the first scenes in the movie was when a gang of Death Eaters destroy a bridge. In the book, the bridge’s destruction was only mentioned, but in the movie it was actually shown. This exemplifies the problem with the movie: it relies more on fancy, expensive CGI effects rather than good dialogue.

The one great part in this movie was in the cavern when all the zombies (or inferi) are being barbecued in a giant inferno set loose by Dumbledore. That part was pretty neat, but there was a problem with it. It was pretty reckless of Dumbledore to fill the entire cavern with fire while the kid whose blood, as Dumbledore says himself, is much more valuable than his own is being drowned.

Anyone who hasn’t read the books will be baffled by the movie. There are many things that they won’t understand completely until they read the books. That’s one of the problems with the recent Harry Potter movies: there’s no effort to make the movie stand on its own. It’s laziness; they know they don’t have to make it a good adaptation to make millions of dollars off it. Like Stephen Spielberg said: “I purposely didn’t do the Harry Potter movie because for me, that was shooting ducks in a barrel. It’s just a slam dunk. It’s just like withdrawing a billion dollars and putting it into your personal bank account. There’s no challenge.”

I once had this Harry Potter piggy bank. It was based off the tunnels at Gringotts Wizarding Bank. You put a coin in the slot and it rolled down three levels or “tunnels” until it plopped into a container at the bottom. It was pretty nifty, but the only reason it was made was to make money. That’s what this movie feels like; it’s more of an accessory than an adaptation.

Footnotes (for those who give a damn):